Your Black Son and School; A Black father and former teacher speaks...

photograph: The Good Son, by Derrick Watkins

When I was a teacher, my classroom ‘always’ overflowed with the kids (mostly black boys) many of my colleagues perceived as uncontrollable. And as firm around valuing education as I am with my own 11-year-old son, he has also had experiences that left some of his teachers lumping him with “the rest of them.” One of his teachers even said my 7-year-old son was “acting thuggish” when he got into a shoving match with a classmate over a seat he was asked to save for his teacher.

Now, having taught second and third grades myself, I’ve seen kids this age white, black, boy and girl, fight over washing the blackboard or being line-leader. “He ain’t tell you to do it!” was easily followed by a push or shove, and this, while disruptive, is simply a part of their experience as second graders. Effective teachers, in fact, use these as teachable moments. But like the security guard following black men and boys around stores while their non-black peers milk them dry, perception is still influenced by personal experience and can be habitual.

Had this teacher considered my son’s perspective, he would have easily gathered that his action was merely an attempt to honor his teacher by keeping his word at all cost, as well as to have the fine experience of sitting beside his teacher for the day. Instead, my son got in trouble and I’m sure was left wondering, "What'd I do?"

It wasn’t that long ago (OK, I may be exaggerating) that I was “one of them,” and let me be the first to admit--I was a handful! So, today, I am a self-proclaimed expert on the black male psyche. Hell, how could I not be? 

The only problem is that there is no ‘one’ black male psyche.  And hold on to your hats for this one, but like every other species, black males are too diverse to be definable by any blanket conclusion about any part of our lives—yup, we are people too (But we obviously don’t Rock, hint-hint).

As we, the parents and educators, search fervently for the root beneath our boys’ seeming challenges achieving in ways that satisfy our personal expectations, our most thorough searches should begin inside ourselves and then burrow through their/our communities. We must also broaden our scope of understanding toward achievement. Is it only academic? Is it something different in each of their homes? Why didn’t he finish his homework? Is school even fun for them anymore?

While many children in higher performing schools and from wealthier families are encouraged to think, explore and question, many of our boys are threatened to obey and change, even by us. So, maybe it’s us keeping boys in a box that is too small and too dark? Historically it has been, right? Maybe ‘we’ should begin to meet them where ‘they’ are, creating and using curricula, and parenting and teaching styles that are as diverse as their experiences. Hell, if this were 80 years ago, many of these little brothers would be husbands, dads and breadwinners by ages 12-13.

Let’s be real; today’s school (in general) simply isn’t tailored toward the success of black boys, but rather (arguably) ignorantly toward chiseling away at their brilliance by denying them opportunities to operate from their own knowledge-base using their own strengths. How could they not shut down? Why would they not opt out of traditional education and into educational experiences that recognize their kind of smart, because they are smart! And quite frankly, the ideas we brandish as pathways to success don’t always send them into heel-clicking leaps for joy.

Now that I am a man, I am fully aware of the impetuses that fostered my adolescent waywardness; I lived my impressionable years in Baltimore’s McCulloh Homes where I stuck out like a Hasidic Jew in a Mosque; I wasn’t very athletic in a community and family of profound athletes, including girls; my absent father and most of my uncles, and may of my male cousins were drug addicts; and Oh yeah, a church trustee was molesting me. So, this was my normal. And judging my family…my mother never allowed that. She was the master at pointing out the two or three “great” things about everyone, even my absent father.

So, I was an A+ student making Cs and Bs because school didn’t look, sound, or even feel like anything familiar to me. Nothing was teaching me how to journey toward success as a boy navigating a labyrinth of grown man experiences.

“Sit still, don’t talk, wear this, say that, eat all your food, toughen up, don’t hit back!”  

“Don’t hit back? You crazy? I’ll get teased and beat up every damn day.”

These suggestions contradicted “everything” that had kept me alive and everything I had ever learned. 

Today, our boys are expected to become boys they have never met and don’t relate to. We are missing the brilliance in their experiences. The impetuses for their rebellion boldly stare us in the face, daring us to see them, and as we do to many marginalized groups, we look through them. But there is hope!

So, Who are these boys? 

• They are the rhythm, the rhyme, the laughter and the tears of our world. Their style and uniqueness has impacted every culture with access to any means of communication. They have a proven track record of success and defying the odds. They are the best of the best. Tell them!

How do we help them? 

• We listen to them, even when we don't agree with them. It will help them to examine their own perspectives and respect yours. 
• We believe in them even as we are picking them up from yet another stumble. The next time could be IT!
• We learn them, from their favorite colors to their least favorite foods. They'll feel valued! 
• Now, we begin molding them into the best “them” they can become.

How do we start?

• By owning and living up to our roles as a responsible parents and educators. Set the example!
• By demanding that their teachers learn about them and their communities. Teach the teachers!
• By demanding that their schools teach them the truth about who and what they are and have been.      
• By holding each other accountable for what we feed their minds and souls, including inappropriate music and television shows. Share articles. Initiate community groups.
• By recognizing their divine nature and purpose.
• By loving them no matter what, even when it feels hard.